Transformation: Learning to Embrace Change

The more I read “Quiet” by Susan Cain the more I found myself relating to the situations she described. I was born an introvert. I was always considered to be shy and slightly reclusive as a child growing up, but now as I reflect on those times, I wonder what changed. Through a lot of self reflection I have decided that as Cain mentioned it is society that influenced me to hide my desires to remain an isolated introvert and become what I have today. To hide my fears of rejection, by the time I entered high school, I had perfected the poise and attributes of constant self-assurance. That is, during the day. While at school I held my head high and refused to show weakness. I excelled at sports and defied the social norms by befriending all fellow classmates without regard to their parents’ income, status or popularity. At night, my inner introvert would take control of my body. As a werewolf morphs with the full moon, I transformed at the opening of my front door. The rest of the night would be spent in my room only to come out for dinner. I would quietly have the TV playing and spend the night doing homework, reading or drawing. That was the cycle every day, every morning I would awake and mentally prepare myself for the role that I had to play to make me more acceptable to the world. Nothing has changed since those days many years ago. The only difference is that I have gotten better at it. The biggest shock came when I was discussing this assignment with my spouse and when asked what he thought of the question “am I an introvert or an extrovert?” he laughed at the thought that I would be anything but an extrovert. The biggest shock came from the fact that I could not argue with his statement. In the years since high school, I have perfected the confidence needed to face everything I have ever been scared of (except for spiders). I have won some of those battles and I have lost some but after it is all said and done, I regret none. I am a role model for my children and proud they see me for the strength I have learned to embrace instead of fight. I still secretly enjoy the days when I am home all alone for the peace and quiet of an empty house but find myself looking forward to my families return and all the excitement and chaos that they bring.